Friday, January 4, 2013

Meeroos VS. Fennux

 Let me start by saying that yes reader, once again, I know what you're thinking. What the fuck is a meeroo and why are you pitting it against  something else  called a fennux which also begs the question, what the fuck???!

 To clear up  confusion and bring you all up to date, I did a  wide spectrum analysis of everything from  interviewing breeders as well as those who raise them to fight,  as well as a BlindMelon taste test of the two different  'creatures'.


 In an interview with one breeder, who has asked to remain anonymous, which I can completely understand why, I was informed  that they come in all shapes and sizes, colors and genetic makeup.

 There are roughly 12 different  variations of this species, which includes Limited Edition/Nocturnal meeroos. (Yeah I know  I'm still thinking what the fuck??!!! too) They have 5 different types of head, ( I once knew a Malaysian hooker that  had 5  different types of head) , 9 different  tails, and 9 different  ears.

They make some fucked up sounds, I can't even describe them except to say maybe  they are close to the sound of any given  character in an anime cartoon.

They eat 3 different types of food , depending on the breed. If you feed them the wrong thing, they will eventually run away from you  and try their luck elsewhere.  You can't starve them to death, I know I tried without any luck.

 There is actually a market for buying and selling these things oddly enough.  I for one would not own one simply because I would more than likely do one of two things with it and I don't feel I need to  elaborate on this.


 There are  6 breeds of this 'creature' resulting from  the fact that they are from 6 different regions. With these 6  different  breeds there are subcategory  variations of each breed for a total of 18 different styles of this 'creature'. 

Yes, you didn't know I  could do  math did you?

 They may or may not make sounds , I didn't wanna wait around to see if the little fuckers would  scream when I squeezed their little heads. I had shit to do.

 These  little bastards are quite simple in their diet as they all eat the same food, kibble,  which makes them a much more appealing pet for  someone like myself , as I really don't give a fuck if they eat, sleep, walk, talk, come, stay , lay , or pray.

 OK, now for some interesting shit. These little bastards will fight each other! One more thumbs up in the Melon points system.


 Both of these 'creatures' will dig  holes all over your backyard so watch out if you have already hidden a body or anything. Trinkets, treasures, recipes for crafting and pro-creating more of the little bastards. Is there no end to this madness???

Now for the real  test of which  pet is the way to go....the Blind Melon taste test.


 It took me a while to catch one, and I must say the thrill of the chase was not really worth it when I  licked either of them. The  topical flavor of the  fennux was  quite earthy, a bit  gamey, and honestly outside of being a little fighter and low maintenance, this little furball lost major points for not tasting like chicken.

 After the field test of the fennux, I took a different path with the Meeroo and actually cooked the little  bastard. It was a tough call on which variety to try, but I went with my favorite flavor, purple.

The meeroo was a combination of  light hints of bacon, a  slight  detection of a toilet mint, but that may have only been something that was caught in my teeth that dislodged itself while allowing my sensitive palate to  enjoy the different aromatic blends and complex flavors of this dish. If you asked me to recommend a wine that would compliment this entree I would tell you to take your  stupid fucking questions and get out of my face before I give you something to whine about, everyone knows that you can only drink beer or cognac with a meeroo on a stick....fucking bushwa pretentious assholes.

 Diet Pepsi is also acceptable if you do not have any beer, or if you are drunk already and have to drive the kids to school.

 In closing, I would not recommend either of these things as a pet. They really aren't for eating either. I do not see them having a purposeful existence on any level. But hey, if you got money to waste on stupid shit and you need companionship, go for it.

Or just get a freakin hooker you lonely bastards!

  Special thanks to Carmilla Vlodovic for her  vast knowledge of  meeroos, fennux, and cooking temperatures and times for  meeroos so that I did not  get some kind of  trichinosis, rash, or sexually transmitted disease....what????