So after much debate, I decided upon this story to bring 2012 to a close. A bit less abrasive than most of my past observations and yet enough Melon to keep it interesting.
We sat together, watching the sun set, the golden beams of warm light shimmering against the rippling waters of the fountain. I could sense she was a bit uneasy and I tried to put her mind at ease in the only way I knew how.
I held her hand, smiled kindly as I gazed into her eyes and told her the story of the first time that I happened to find this beautiful and unique place.
" It was a dark and foggy night, and in the distance I could only just make out the silhouette of the fountain as I moved in for a closer look. The closer I got, I began to realize that this was something more than just a fountain. I smiled with delight for indeed, clever me, this was a shrine! Yes! A shrine to my sombrero placed here by the simple people of this land! Hail Melon!
But as the sun began to rise, and the fog burned away, I had to rub my eyes as I came to the realization that I was only half right in my brilliant deduction. This was indeed a shrine. This was however, not a shrine to my incredible sombrero.
It was merely, just another shrine to my incredible penis.... "
She looked at me, her eyes studying my face carefully for clues. Apparently, my face was telling her all she needed to know. She pulled her hand away from mine and slapped me. She called me self-absorbed, she called me delusional, she called me narcissistic, and a fucking liar. I think she knew it was turning me on though and it didn't stop there. Yeah, it was turning her on too. She called me 'gostoso' and slapped me again. She knocked my sombrero to the ground. That said to me only one thing.
That's right bitches.... it was go time!
God damn the things we did on that bench! The thing we did TO that bench! It was a writhing, twisted, deviant mess of pleasure and agony, assholes and elbows, wooden slats and wrought iron. We took turns wearing the sombrero, slapping and choking the shit out of each other. I rodeo fucked her and she donkey punched me. Had I met my sexual match?! I was about to give her an Abraham Lincoln and shout out "Sic Semper Tyrannis!", but I remembered I had recently lost all my pubic hair in a bizarre gardening accident. Let's save that story for another time though...
It was like a dream come true! Never would I have imagined being able to give someone the shocker, the rocker, and the Spocker all in one session without being brought up on charges. What a woman! What a sexy shameless bitch! I don't think I have ever known the emotion that is love, but when she did that thing with her tongue....OIE!!!!
Later, when the sun had finally disappeared, and the cover of darkness blanketed us, we buried the remains of that broken, sticky, perverted park bench and all of the secrets it could never tell anyone along with it.
See you bitches in 2013 when I'm done picking the bench splinters out of my ass.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!